Which Christmas Movie Character Are You (Based on Zodiac Sign)?

Aries: Elf (2003)

Character: Buddy the Elf

“SANTAAAA!” As the youngest sign of the zodiac, you are one of the few adults that has never lost your holiday spirit. With your contagious optimism and zest for adventure, you can journey across the sea of swirly twirly gumdrops and walk through the Lincoln Tunnel and still have enough energy to gravely embarrass your long-lost father at his office job. Your outfits are usually colorful and unconventional, but you’ve never given a second thought to the opinions of others—especially when it comes to fashion. Skills include: elaborately complicated arts and crafts, snowball fights, and having a heart big enough to make an ornery James Caan believe in Santa. Weaknesses: insatiable sweet tooth, ADHD, and putting things in your mouth you were explicitly told not to.

Taurus: Carol (2015)

Character: Carol Aird

As a Venusian sign, you live life led by your heart. In classic Taurus form, you are always impeccably dressed in well-tailored, high-quality material with an elevated yet refined air—you look fabulous in a fur coat, honey. When it comes to romance, you prefer a slow burn, and not only to avoid those pesky “morality laws” of the 1950s. You found your last love interest doing what you love most: holiday shopping. You prefer romantic gestures, lingering glances, and innuendo to ostentatious flirtation–the ol’ glove trick? Works every time. Loyal to a fault, your best friend is your emotional support ex-girlfriend who stands by your choices no matter how stubborn or bullish you’re being. Strengths include: smoldering eye contact, accessorizing, eating lunch, knocking back dry martinis, and lighting other women’s cigarettes. Weaknesses: a profound and permeating sense of deep emotional pain and a penchant for creamed spinach.

Gemini: Home Alone (1990)

Character: Kevin McAllister

“Kevin!” Described on Wikipedia as an “8-year-old with a penchant for creating harmful inventions,” Kevin McAllister embodies the mischievous, mercurial air of Geminis. Although childish (and in this sense, quite literally a child), Geminis are clever, precocious, and self-reliant. Even at a young age, they have a gift for gab and an elevated sense of humor that can go beat-for-beat in most adult conversations. Left alone, a Gemini will always find a way to entertain themselves, even if that leads to sledding down the stairs, binging on ice cream, and generally leaving a path of destruction in their wake. Only the devious ingenuity of a Gemini could single-handedly stave off two house bandits with a series of Rube Goldberg-esque ticks and traps using only common household objects.

Cancer: How The Grinch Stole Christmas! (2000)

Character: The Grinch

If you believe all the propaganda that Cancers are just cozy-wozy real-life manifestations of the Sleepy Time tea box, you’ve clearly never spent enough time with them. If holding a grudge was a sport, Cancers would go home with the gold every time—and the Grinch is the grinchiest grudge-holder of them all. Scorned by his childhood bully Augustus MayWho in front of his crush Martha MayWhovier, the Grinch retired to Mount Crumpet to fill his days with “staring into the abyss” and “wrestling with self-loathing.” Like any true Cancer, it’s nearly impossible to get him to a party, and he spends most of his days talking to his dog and stealing the lederhosen off of local yodelers. Despite Cancers’ best efforts to eternally hide behind the shell that protects them from the horrors of the world, they can’t help but be moved by the undercurrent of community, love, and generosity that unites us all.

Leo: It’s A Very Muppet’s Christmas Movie (2002)

Character: Miss Piggy

Lashes? Check. Sequin dress? Check. Cheetah-print elbow-length gloves? Check. Theater starlet, diva, and hopeless romantic—Miss Piggy is the platonic ideal of the Leo sign. Unsatisfied by the lack of attention from Kermit, she dashes off to Hollywood to make her dreams come true. Unfortunately, even when playing an extra as a dead body on Scrubs, she can’t help but try to steal the scene. After some convincing by her eternal crush Kermit, she returns to the theater to star as “Saltine” in the theater production of “Moulin Scrooge.” Although the performance is disastrous, she still refuses to give up on her passions, resorting to life as a “stay-at-home actress” pretending to be a dial-a-Psychic. Thankfully, the theater is saved at the end, and Miss Piggy can get back to her favorite Leo hobbies: being a demanding diva, flirting with Kermit, and being the fabulously dressed starlet she was born to be.

Virgo: The Santa Clause (1994)

Character: Scott Calvin

Ornery, work-obsessed, too busy to be enchanted by the holiday spirit: classic Virgo. Earth signs tend to be the least open-minded when it comes to “magical thinking”; not even a ride in Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve could convince Scott Calvin that Santa was real. Although Calvin is grumpy and disenfranchised, he possesses the classic Virgo work ethic as marketing director of a toy company with a sarcastic sense of humor. As the movie progresses, Calvin realizes that he is indeed the new Santa Claus and discovers said fact in the most Virgo way possible: the legally binding fine print of the former Santa’s business card. Fight as he might (and shave as much as he can), Calvin does indeed succumb to his new role as Santa Claus, much to the help of his charismatic son Charlie—despite their skeptical exteriors, Virgos are loyal to a fault when it comes to their family. By the end of the aforementioned hijinx, Calvin finds himself in the best place a Virgo can: a tenured job with a company car (sleigh) and a well-oiled workforce of happy employees (elves).

Libra: Love Actually (2003)

Character: Jamie

Love, actually, is all around for Libras. Fatuous, flirtatious, and eternally bouncing from crush to crush, this movie is emotional porn for Libras (and turtleneck porn for others). After walking in on his ex sleeping with his brother, the character Jamie retires to a French cottage to mend his broken heart. In classic Libra fashion, he is immediately infatuated with the very next girl he sees—in this case, the Portuguese housekeeper Aurelia. Leave it to a Libra to project so much on their crushes they can fall in love without speaking the same language. As an air sign, he processes his emotions through words, and he begins working on a crime thriller, which he, of course, writes on a typewriter—only a Libra would be fanciful enough to start writing a novel with no save button. After some sitcom hijinx with Aurelia, followed by clumsy charades and lingering eye contact, they inevitably fall in love. Impulsive romantics as Libras are, he finds Aurelia in her hometown and immediately proposes in front of her whole family. Good luck, you two. Hope there’s a 2-for-1 deal on Rosetta Stone this holiday season.

Scorpio: Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

Character: Dr. Bill Harford

Psychosexual warfare, secret societies, masked orgies–you’re headed right for the naughty list, Scorpio! One night after Bill Harford and his wife Alice are smoking a joint (in one of the most theatrical depictions of weed smoking since Reefer Madness), Alice confesses that she considered having an affair with a naval officer on vacation but never acted on the fantasy. This hits Bill right where it hurts most for any Scorpio: his sexual ego. He does what any water sign would do in the situation, ruminate obsessively to the point of madness and go on a nighttime quest of sexually charged yet unconsummated liaisons, costume rentals, and seedy dealings in smokey jazz bars.

Sagittarius: The Last Holiday (2006)

Character: Georgia Byrd

After being told she has only three weeks to live and an HMO plan that doesn’t cover the operation (relatable), Georgia Byrd leaves her department store job behind, liquidates her assets, and goes for a dream vacation in the Czech Republic. Like a true Sagittarius, she wastes no time wallowing in self-pity and plans to live every last moment of life to the fullest, complete with BASE jumping, gambling, skiing, and fine dining. Sagittarians possess a contagious level of optimism, and soon the entire hotel staff is enamored with her courage and resilience.

Capricorn: A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

Character: Charlie Brown

Like all Capricorns, Charlie Brown is discouraged by the overt commercialization of the holiday season, and he’s spiraling into seasonal depression. As a sensible earth sign, he takes his woes to his trusty analyst (aka Lucy’s psychiatric booth) to air out his good grievances. Upon suggestion that he get involved with the school play, Charlie accepts the challenge—after all, Capricorns are at their happiest when productive. Through the discouraging highs and lows of the play, Charlie discovers that the true meaning of Christmas lies in teamwork, togetherness, and faith. With a bit of elbow grease, his hand-picked tiny sapling grew into a magnificent Christmas tree, thus representing what Capricorns love most: having been right all along.

Aquarius: Bad Santa (2003)

Character: Willie Soke

Like any true Aquarius, Willie Soke is a rebel. An alcoholic, thief, and disruptive mall Santa, he has the Aquarian penchant for living on the edge. Like all air signs, he uses his acerbic wit, strategic mind, and random skill of cracking into safes (classic, Aquarius) to engineer mall heists during Christmas time. Due to their unconventional tastes, Aquarians tend to have storied romantic lives—a bartender with a Santa kink? She’s the love of your life! Although Aquarians tend to be shrewd and calculated in their thinking, they always have a soft spot for an underdog. After bonding with an outcast kid, Therman Merman (who sincerely believes Willie is Santa Claus), he will stop at nothing to make sure that kid is protected from bullies and receives the Christmas present he’s always wanted. Beneath that hard, sarcastic exterior, Aquarians are generous spirits.

Pisces: It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

Character: George Bailey

Emotional, sensitive, and consumed with the past, the holidays are a hard time for Pisces. They tend to spend the holidays succumbing to nostalgia, taking walks alone with their self-pitying ruminations, and saying dramatic shit like, “I wish I was never born!” I know water signs are all victims to the strong tides of their emotions, but y’all need to calm down! As they wrestle with their big feelings, they fall prey to the “compare and despair” mentality in their relationships and work life. Despite their penchant for self-obsession, Pisces have big hearts, and it helps to remind them that, without their caring, generosity, and emotional intelligence, we would all be worse off without their friendship.

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