Dealing with Virgos: The Goodie Two-Shoes of the Zodiac or Agents of Chaos?
I asked an expert panel of the smartest, sexiest Virgos I know to give us the inside scoop on the myths, warning signs, and green flags when dealing with the zodiac’s teacher’s pet.
Beyoncé, Zendaya, Jean Smart—fabulous, hardworking, and never missing a goddamn beat—Virgos are perfectionists that come as close to flawless as anyone can get. Ruled by Mercury, the planet of communication, they have the same thirst for information and insatiable intellect as their mercurial neighbor, Gemini. Unlike the flighty twins, Virgo is an earth sign, which grounds their intellectual ambitions in the realm of fastidious study, dedication to work, and a deeply practical outlook on life. Virgos understand that their high standard for excellence is often not shared with others, so if you are assigned a group project with a Virgo, they will quietly take the lead. They would rather pull an all-nighter than be taken down by anyone else’s subpar work ethic. The most annoying part is that they make it all look so easy.
With their unusually high standards, Virgos often get typecast as judgemental, neurotic, control freaks. While I’d love to say “that couldn’t be further from the truth,” it may orbit the truth for some Virgos. If you're the type of flakey slacker that is incompatible with the Virgo code of ethics, yes, a Virgo may come across as judgemental—only because they are probably judging you. The most infuriating and delightful thing about Virgos is that their judgment is usually on target. While I won’t agree with the pejorative “judgemental, neurotic control freak” descriptor, I will say that all Virgos are particular. They have a certain way of doing things that is always highly considered, well-researched, and best suited to their daily needs. Some people think of Virgos as cold, but a key part of their planning process is taking everyone’s feelings into account. Yes, they will be controlling about the itinerary, logistics, and scheduling of a dinner party, but you’d best believe they have an immaculate list of every guest’s dietary restrictions, preferred beverages, and allergies to make sure you’re all given five-star treatment. To a Virgo, planning is their love language.
If you are pursuing a Virgo for friendship, a relationship, or merely trying to decode your new co-worker, I’m here to illuminate the mercurial earth sign. I asked an expert panel of the smartest, sexiest Virgos I know to give us the inside scoop on the myths, warning signs, and green flags when dealing with the teacher’s pet of the zodiac.
You Can’t Bullshit Them
“My biggest pet peeve is a lack of self-awareness. Lack of ability to think outside of oneself. Judgmentalism. Racism. Xenophobia. Homophobia. Most phobias. Disorganization and air-headedness. Water signs make me want to pull my hair out. (Sorry, Water signs.)” —M.D. (Professional Double Virgo)
While some people can misinterpret a Virgos high standards as myopic or judgemental, Virgos are one of the most compassionate signs of the zodiac. A Virgo will only seem cold if they can sense you are being inauthentic or dishonest. If you come to the table without pretense or ego, a Virgo will be an incredible listener and one of the best conversationalists you’ve ever met—after all, they are very well-read! As an earth sign, they are disinterested in vapid glamour, social hierarchies, or peacocking. My Virgo friend K. S. explains, “My biggest red flags are dishonesty and drama. Also, caring too much about status symbols—it shows a mismatch in core values.” If you’re messy and chaotic but bring your authentic self to the conversation (with enough emotional intelligence to be an active listener), a Virgo will never judge you. “If you want to win me over, be authentically you, unapologetically. Unless you have narcissistic personality disorder, then I can’t stand you,” adds M.D. Authenticity is their gold standard for both friendships and relationships.
Pro tip: Be funny. Virgos have an immense cultural lexicon, and they love someone who can play in the space with them. You've gotten on their good side if you get to know a Virgo well enough for them to unveil their dry and acerbic sense of humor.
Just Because They’re Particular Doesn’t Mean They’re All Neat Freaks
“People always say Virgos are organized, which brings a neat and tidy system to mind. I’m actually not very neat and tidy at all, but there is definitely an organization to the mess.” K.S. (Virgo since 1994)
It’s a stereotype that all Virgos are neat freaks with color-coded planners and a well-worn label maker. Yes, most Virgos are incredibly particular, but this manifests differently. While some Virgos are particularly neat, others might be particularly messy. In both cases, there is a method to their madness. A Virgo co-worker, J.D., tells me, “Not all Virgos are super organized and meticulous. There are plenty of messy Virgos! We’re just particular about the stuff that really matters.” Amy Winehouse was a Virgo—compulsively messy with romance and substances but with an incredibly particular style both in music and fashion. You gotta give it to Amy; her brand was nothing if not consistent. Be it obsessively prim or obsessively chaotic, a Virgo is always their authentic selves. In the words of M.D., “I’m authentically myself. Although, maybe, because most people present only a partial fraction of who they are to the real world, it takes people by surprise that there are few underlying characteristics to me – I am who I am. You can hate it or love it, but I’m going to keep being me regardless of what you think.”
They Aren’t Stubborn, They Just Need Time
“A big red flag for me is a lack of boundaries. As both an only child and a Leo/Virgo cusp, personal space and alone time to recharge are essential. Anyone who can’t handle that or makes it about them is immediately worrisome as a friend or partner. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”—J.D. (Virgo on Airplane Mode)
As earth signs who prioritize authentic connections over fair-weather friends, their social battery runs out quickly. When they say they need some time alone, don’t take it personally, they mean it. And please don’t try to twist their arm and bully them into social events they aren’t keen on; it will backfire—you’ll wind up with a very cranky wingman. Sometimes, their introverted tendencies get them miscast as people who are too stubborn and set in their ways—that couldn’t be further from the truth. M.D. explains, “What most non-Virgos don’t realize is that if you take the time to explain to a Virgo why there might be a different way of doing something or thinking about something, if you’re clear, organized, and have valid substantiation, a Virgo is always willing to listen and change.” If you take time to lay out a thoughtful counterargument (with a thesis, footnotes, and a bibliography), they are amenable to changing their opinion. It might take five to seven business days to fully process that request, but it isn’t impossible. Good luck, though, “because we’re always right,” adds M.D.
They Love the Simple Things (Done Correctly)
“An ideal date? Something well-planned, well-thought-out, unusual, and surprising. It’ll be very hard to surprise me, but you can try your best.” —M.D.
With their aversion to pretension and vacuous showmanship, the best way to impress a Virgo is with a well-executed and thoughtful plan. While they don’t need anything elaborate, a little bit of thoughtfulness goes a long way. If they mentioned they’re lactose-intolerant on your first date, there better not be cheese on the charcuterie board for your second-date picnic. Will they call you out for it? Probably not, but you’re losing points quickly. Be a good listener and remember personal details—even if you don’t get it all right, the fact that you are actively paying attention is often enough.
As mercurial beings, the way to a Virgo’s heart is through lively dialogue. J.D. describes his perfect date as “A dirty martini in a relatively quiet room. Dim lighting with some vibes. Timeless and immaculate.” Note the room: quiet. A first date for a Virgo should be a vehicle for a great conversation. If you come away from the date and can continue the conversation over text about books, media, food, etc., you’re playing your cards right. Remembering personal details and proving you’re an active listener is the best way to show a Virgo you care. If you have the ability to be transparent, engaging, and honest in return, you might be an excellent match.
How to Win Over a Virgo:
Aries: Go to Daiso and geek out over the stationary.
Taurus: Go on a hike and share facts about lichen, moss, and microbiomes.
Gemini: Conversation over bottomless coffee and cigarettes til you get married or become enemies.
Cancer: Bond over how you both have a crush on your therapist.
Leo: A tasting menu at a new Michelen-rated pop-up you both read about in the NYT.
Virgo: Agreeing that you two could have single-handedly fixed the 2021 Suez Canal Obstruction in under a day.
Libra: Talking about poetry as you stroll through a Botanical Garden.
Scorpio: Realize you share the same contact for that dude in Brooklyn who makes your artisanal, leather, BDSM toys.
Sagittarius: An impromptu road trip! (That the Virgo meticulously charted, planned, and organized in secret.)
Capricorn: A 5:45 p.m. dinner reservation because you both need to be up early.
Aquarius: Discuss your favorite niche medical history podcasts.
Pisces: Giving each other stick-n-poke tattoos.
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