Today’s Young Singles Are “Dating for the Plot”
Tinder recently released their 2023 year-end statistics, and the results are anthropologically fascinating.
Tinder recently released their “Year in Swipe” statistics giving us the state of the date as we move into 2024, and the results are fascinating and illuminating. I’ll always have a soft spot for dating apps, and can never rag on them as many of my other partnered millennial compatriots do; I married my own Tinderfella just last summer. I’ve thus been off the apps for a while now, but make a point to stay apprised of the evolving dating trends by millennial and Gen Z friends. According to these young singles–who refer to my having met someone on an app five years ago as akin to “getting the last chopper out of ‘Nam”–the apps have reached both peak ubiquity and peak terribleness. With unprecedented casual access to potential dates, it makes sense that we’re also now experiencing an unprecedented amount of ghosting, bad dates, and outright rejection. So how are young daters both devoted app-users and horribly jaded about them? It’s simple: nihilism, baby!
One example would be the rise in daters self-identifying as “delusional” or, more jazzily, “delulu.” As in, bios with inclusions like “delulu is the solulu” or “delulu looking for my trululu” have risen exponentially over the last year. Essentially, users have gotten so pessimistic about dating apps that they’re saying that looking for a real connection on them is straight-up delusional–which they’ve in turn clearly decided they’re willing to be. Set against the backdrop of increasingly demoralizing online dating, self-identifying as “delusional” has evidently taken on a new, destigmatized definition of just being a hopeful romantic.
Another trend in dating app nihilism: the uptick in users “dating for the plot.” In other words, daters are aware that dates, statistically speaking, will most likely be terrible, but will go anyway just for the story. Sure, you might get someone who gets too drunk, tries to stick you with a massive bill, or brings their mom on the date–but at least you get great content out of it! This also corresponds to another trend: N.A.T.O. dating, or “not attached to outcome” dating. Simply put, just going into dates with an open mind, and with no expectations about the outcome–another example of current online daters having low expectations for actual romance and connection. Both N.A.T.O. and “for the plot” dating show that modern daters are fully aware that the odds are stacked against them, but by god, if they’re not doing wonderfully at finding the silver linings going ahead and taking the risk.
All these stats evidence one of my favorite trends brought about by Gen Z: the return to earnestness. As a millennial who came of age in the “sarcasm is my love language” era, with the Sex and the City “war of the sexes” gamesmanship-style of dating, it’s refreshing to see that Gen Z is ready to put aside the pretense and admit they’re actively open to and looking for something real. This earnestness is further evidenced by other fun Tinder tidbits from 2023. For example, while the top emoji is the “always on” emoji (which seems like just the newest iteration of the finance bro “work hard, play hard” bios of the 2010’s), the other top emojis were a band-aid, representing being on a healing journey; prayer beads, representing mindfulness and mental wellbeing; and a bouquet of flowers, the ultimate romantic gesture and symbol of “delulu” love.
The report contains additional stats further indicating that young daters are actually serious about finding connections. The top love language was “quality time” (definitely the best one out of a list of flawed choices if someone looking for a real relationship), and the top communication style was “better in person,” as opposed to texting or phone calls. Likewise, there was a marked trend of daters prioritizing time as their most valuable resource, and acting accordingly by getting more organized with their dating. Clearly, while today’s online daters may state that they’re “not attached to outcomes” and “doing it for the plot,” they still seem to have the ultimate aim of dating wisely and efficiently in hopes of forming a real, in-person relationship, however “delusional” that goal may be.
Tinder’s year-end report is rife with other fun tidbits. The fastest-replying areas? LA, Chicago, and South Korea’s three biggest cities (way to keep it real, South Korea!). The most attractive interest is Anime/Manga, followed perplexingly by cheerleading (I can only imagine a handful of intensely popular super-liked cheerleaders skewed this statistic), pilates, and–my favorite “attractive interest”–biryani. Sadly, the most attractive interests have no overlap with the year’s top trending interests, listing horror movies at No. 1 (fascinating), followed by hip-hop, tennis, vogueing (???), and “walking my dog” (further confirmation that young people are increasingly giving up on the hope of affording human children). Lastly, the top Spotify anthems were extremely illuminating: Morgan Wallen’s “Last Night,” SZA’s “Kill Bill”, “Ella Baila Sola” by Eslabon Armado & Peso Pluma, “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus, and “Creepin’” by The Weeknd. I highly recommend looking up the lyrics to any of the songs you’re not familiar with, as they include themes like cheating, breaking up, not needing a relationship, and, of course, killing your ex. Interesting choices to pick to attract a potential mate, but as we have learned, today’s young daters contain multitudes and are kings and queens of holding contradictions.
So there you have it. Overall, I’m ideologically into all these stats. As a former family law attorney, I’m not mad at the idea that young daters are realistic about the hardships of dating and relationships. And as a person in a happy relationship, I’m glad that despite all that, they’re still open to giving love a shot, and seemingly doing so pretty mindfully. My advice to daters based on the above? Keep it real, keep your chin up, don’t let anyone waste your time, and learn to make a really good biryani.