Let's start off with some collective honesty: we've all most likely either A) been ghosted or B) ghosted someone else. A lot of us, despite knowing the frustration and confusion that comes along with being a ghostee, probably fall into both categories. The truth is that it's easy, while being ghosted, to preach about how easy it would have been for the other person to just simply communicate their feelings. But, when in that same position, we tend to forget about the pain or annoyance that we felt when being ghosted–because sometimes it feels ghosting is truly the easiest way out of a situation that we are no longer willing to remain, whatever the reasoning may be.
Speaking of reasoning, we polled 25 people anonymously and asked for their takes on when ghosting is acceptable, if it ever is. The responses varied: when our safety or well-being feels at risk seemed like a general consensus, but many people also suggested that ghosting is acceptable when both parties have a mutual understanding of the vibe (or lack thereof). This in and of itself reflects our collective avoidance of conversations—we expect people to know what we're thinking and we assume that we know what other people are feeling, without saying anything at all. All in all, ghosting remains not even just the worst possible outcome of a date, but a huge possibility and not at all surprising. After all, we all seem to have differing opinions on when it is and isn't acceptable.
Whenever You Want
"Always."
When It's Mutual
Heritages Images/Getty Images"If you both understand there isn’t a vibe and neither of you reach out after meeting up, ghosting can serve as communication of a mutual understanding. However, if one person reaches out, it’s respectful for the other to respond even if you’re not interested."
"After one date where no one vibed. I don't think there's a need to text after that."
"When it’s mutual and you both know it’s over."
"When it's mutual ghosting."
When Danger Is Near Or Red Flags Surface
Sepia Times/Getty Images
"Ghosting is only acceptable if the other person is being creepy/won't leave you alone OR if you've never met them in person. Other than that, it is NEVER okay to ghost someone, especially if they were kind or you had a nice date. It's so easy to send a message like 'Hey, I had a great time, but I just don't think we're a match. Wishing you the best!'"
""If the person displays racism or different political views."
"If the other person seems like they're being harmful and potentially dangerous."
"[When you're] fearful about the person's reaction to rejection."
"As a woman who's well versed in red flags, ghosting is acceptable whenever the shade of red seems a bit off."
"If the person is rude or you're just not interested in them from the start."
"Ghosting is never acceptable unless they they pose a serious risk to your health and safety."
"If the other person is in the wrong and is clearly just seeking your attention."
"When the date is rude and does inappropriate behavior to the point where you don't feel safe around them."
"When boundaries are too crossed or danger is afoot."
"When you got catfished."
In The Early Stages
Heritage Images/Getty Images"Before you’ve met them or matched on a dating app, but only if you haven’t made plans yet."
"If you barely know the person and you're not accountable for anything they need, its fine. People get busy, its not the end of the world."
"When it’s a very short-term or casual connection."
"If you've been texting short term and haven't met yet."
It (Almost) Never Is
When Danger Is NearHeritage Images/Getty Images"Never, but we all do it and we shouldn’t. Coming from a girl who has been heartbroken over being ghosted yet has done it herself to get out of a dating situation that I was no longer feeling. In the long run I probably hurt his feelings way more than I would have done just saying it outright. I also think that’s down to dating apps dehumanizing romantic situations. Like you wouldn’t do that to someone you met through a mutual friend you know?"
"HOT TAKE: If you're ghosting someone because you're too scared to face that, then you're not ready to be dating."
"Never."
"1) When the conversation was forced onto you and is completely empty, naive and, ignorant. When you feel pure indifference to what’s being said and the truth is you don’t gain anything and they don’t gain anything either. 2) The common keeping in contact moment when there’s nothing left to say, but still the message goes like this every day: hi, how are you? What did you eat? you answer and nothing comes back even when you try to engage and it just repeats itself that way. 3) When people hurt you without even knowing they do and you’ve told them again and again what bothers you. Ghosting is the sickness of the too popular or distracted. Ghosting hurts the people that care and is done by pure indifference and ignorance. Of course it has be kept in a certain area of reason, but especially when people use relationships just to drain on occasion when they feel like it and then never exchange the same energy, I think it will even out in the end it’s just another sickness of modernity."
