What Your First-Date Drink Order Says About Your Personality
A glass of natural orange wine? They might be anxious-avoidant.
First dates are always a delicate dance of tempering expectations and making wild assumptions based on first impressions. From how we sit to the tenor of our voices, we are constantly betraying little bits of our interiority–what makes us anxious, giddy, uncomfortable, et cetera. When my friends are regaling me with the minutiae of their first date, I usually start with one question: What drink did they order? Although drinks are familiar supporting actors on many first dates, their significance is often overlooked, but I believe the small ritual can speak disproportionate volumes about your new love interest. Like reading tea leaves at the bottom of a cup, a person’s go-to drink order is deeply prophetic about what kind of person you are embarking on a dating journey with. From chilled red wine to an Aperol spritz, here’s what a first-date drink reveals about someone’s personality and attachment style.
Red Wine: Red wine feels like the default pour for the securely attached community. Stable, measured, and refined–red wine drinkers likely arrived at the date 10 minutes early but waited in their parked car to arrive fashionably 3 minutes late. They are confident and ambitious with an ‘old money’ air. Weaknesses: latent and psychosexual power struggles with any authority figures that remind them of their father.
Chilled Red Wine: Chilled red wine is similar to the red wine type but with heavy overtures of anxiety. Due to its more juicy temperature, Chilled Red Wine drinkers run the risk of being nervous gulpers. They feel secure around their closest companions, but their social anxiety has them darting to the bathroom to make sure they aren’t getting the dreaded Laura-Palmer-pallor of wine mouth. Ultimately, they’re a great time; they just need a little reassurance.
White Wine: White wine, like chilled red, falls on the anxious end of the attachment spectrum. Unlike the reds, this anxiety is far below the surface, resulting in a more icy demeanor. You may feel incredibly judged by Mister or Miss Sav Blanc, but just know they are busy micromanaging their own behavior for fear of you judging them. Weaknesses: A distinctly WASP-y superpower of suppressing their emotions and speaking only in backhanded compliments. Strengths: Sarcasm and coming out of a divorce on top.
Orange Wine: “Funky,” unpredictable, and trendy in Los Angeles–orange wine is the go-to order of the “disorganized” attached community. If you weren’t familiar, disorganized attachment is a hazy combination of avoidant and anxious. You might be thinking, ‘Do they hate me?’ ‘Are they obsessed with me?’ ‘Are they both?’ ‘Are they actually bad at texting, or are they trying to blow me off?’ If you can’t tell, they probably can’t either! After three glasses of orange wine and some light trauma dumping, you’ll realize they are actually quite sweet; they’re just afraid of getting their feelings hurt again.
Negroni: Strong and self-assured with a streak of jaded bitterness, Negroni drinkers can seem as tough to crack as that ludicrously large ice cube in their tumbler glass. This would be the fan favorite of the avoidant-attached community, but what they can’t offer in vulnerability or commitment, they make up for with their devilish sense of humor. They will take from 24 to 48 hours to text you back, but this six-month situationship is about to be some of the best sex of your life.
Fernet: Like all Fernet drinkers, they think they are the only ones who've heard of it and will certainly tell you so. They don’t have an attachment style because they are too busy being madly in love with themselves. While they may start out incredibly charming and shower you with praise and poetry (written on their antique typewriter, of course), after a few dates, you’ll realize you are merely a footnote in their self-mythology. It’s okay—we’ve all dated a narcissist by accident. Just don’t give yourself carpel tunnel from all the journaling you’ll be doing to get over this one.
Margarita: With any tequila drink–functioning as both a stimulant and depressant–this is another go-to drink for those of us with disorganized attachment. The margarita drinker is looking to go “out out” and often uses alcohol to assuage their anxiety and expedite intimacy with the Adderall of the beverage world. When the hangover hits in the morning, that’s where the avoidant part of the “disorganized” roster rears its nauseated head. The date will be a lot of fun but don’t expect consistent communication or clear answers from these folks. They’re just as confused about what they want as you are.
Moscow Mule: If the Margarita cocktail-drinker is Cher from Clueless, the Moscow Mule is her stepbrother, played by Paul Rudd–a moody smart-ass with a sophomoric attachment to Neitzche. They’re a bit quirked up and often use their breadth of cultural references to deflect feeling vulnerable, but deep down, they want nothing more than a deep connection. Their disorganized attachment style might have them blowing hot and cold, but they’re much more romantic and gentlemanly than they initially let on.
Cosmo: The Cosmo drinker is likely an elder Millennial on their third rewatch of Sex and the City, and I could listen to her talk for hours. Gossipy, self-deprecating, and a little too online, the Cosmo drinker is buzzing with energy. Yes, they like to talk a big game and refer to themselves as avoidant or anxious, but we all know it’s for the plot. Behind all that self-mythologizing, they are actually quite secure with themselves (even if a little self-involved). While girlish in its presentation, the Cosmo is a much stronger drink than most, making them surprisingly securely attached.
Martini: With a twist or extra dirty, Martini’s have commitment issues. Disorganized with strong avoidant tendencies, the martini drinkers were likely parentified as children and live in constant fear of losing control. The martini drinker has the thousand-yard stare of someone burdened with the past, but with enough therapy they can overcome the “grass is always greener” mentality that keeps them perpetually dissatisfied. Warning: Martini drinkers tend to have a wandering eye, but they weirdly care a lot about “honor” and “loyalty” when it comes to anything outside the realm of sex.
Espresso Martini: The oh-so-popular espresso martini is the anxious sibling of the avoidant classic martini. In the year 2024, the espresso martini drinker a) wants the alcohol to quell their social anxiety, b) caffeine to stay sharp conversationally, and c) is hyper-conscious about staying on-trend. Similar to tequila drinks (the Adderall of liquor), the espresso is a stimulant, but with a more composed air than the "woo spring break!" energy of tequila. The espresso martini drinker's anxious attachment mostly comes out of their fear of being judged, but if you "yes, and" them enough while they are nervously monologuing about their new favorite podcast, they'll feel at-ease soon enough.
Aperol Spritz: Sure, she only lived abroad for six months, but she is coming back with a slight accent. Aperol Spritz drinkers are securely attached because they're honestly too myopic to feel self-conscious about the opinions of others. Although they tend to talk over people, they’re usually incredibly entertaining— a slightly bad listener and nervous texter, but a delight at parties.
Beer: Beer drinkers are the avoidants who have no clue they need therapy. In their mind, they’re securely attached because if they got stood up, they’d be a little relieved they didn’t have to talk throughout the game. With a bit of a golden retriever personality, they are easygoing and amicable but struggle when the time comes to commit. Weaknesses: Shameless burping and a propensity for saying “for sure” way too much.