The Slutever author on (multiple) vodka martinis, Youtube workout videos and knowing what’s good for her body.
What's that? Another new series? We know, we know. Let's put it this way: we're a nosy bunch (reminder: we go through people's homes for our 9-to-5) and that extends to health and wellness, too. From the boutique fitness classes people are blowing their entire paychecks on to how they top off their avocado toast, we want—nay, need—to know. Get Well is where we'll quiz our favorite people on their evolving ideas of wellness and health of all kinds—including what you don't necessarily see on Instagram.
Here’s a checklist of everything that pretty much (okay, mostly) embodies Karley Scoirtino: she’s the IRL (but way effing cooler) version of your fave SATC, Manolo-obsessed sex columnist, but like we said, WAY effing cooler :heavy_check_mark:, her Vogue.com “Breathless” column and blog Slutever.com are easily more addictive than a tub of Pringles (and arguably, a hell of a lot healthier to consume) :heavy_check_mark:, oh, and she’s funny AF :heavy_check_mark: :heavy_check_mark:
Anyway, you get where we’re going here: any human who’s as comfortable in his/her own skin as Sciortino is has our undivided attention. Hence the whole reason we got her on the phone to talk about exactly what wellness means to her, vodka martinis and all.
“I’ve realized, as I get older, that the definition of wellness can be very personal. What makes me feel good is not necessarily what makes my friends feel good. I’ve learned to listen to my own body and not rationalize or lie to myself about what’s working. You know how you beat yourself up for something like, everyone I know wakes up at 7 AM and writes in the morning and I feel guilty for not doing that. If you actually give yourself time to listen to your body and you’re like, okay, you know what, I just work better at night and I’m going to do that. I try to create a life for myself that makes me happy and productive.
I really have issues with energy—I feel like my life is a constant struggle to not take a nap. Recently, I’ve been trying to find a routine or diet that makes me feel the most energetic. It means learning that I can eat meat and I have to exercise, even though I don’t want to. If I don’t have a work-life balance at all, if I burn myself out and stress myself out, and I start hating what I do or I start hating writing, I don’t write my best. I’m learning, and it’s such a simple thing, to say ‘no’ to stuff. If you never say ‘no’ to anything, you don’t have time to do what you want to do. I feel like my wellness goal is really streamlining and thinking about what I want to be doing in five years, who I hang out with and where I want to live, and cut out the stuff that isn’t making me happier or benefiting the future that I want.
I think when I was younger, you know, being a typical person, I had issues about my body, how I looked, being a certain size, and my goal was to just be thin no matter how I was getting there. So you know, I was fasting or doing weird fad diets or being hungry or just wanting to fit into a certain size. Now I’m way more concerned about what makes my body function the best, but also be in shape. I don’t necessarily care about the number size on my dress if I feel my butt is bigger but more in shape. It’s more about having a body that is healthy, have enough energy and being toned.”
"Exercising is big for me. I feel much more stressed out and less happy and good about myself if I don’t exercise. I don’t work out a ton—maybe about four times a week for a half hour. I notice if I’m not doing it, I start feeling generally more negative. I start feeling the most insane when I don’t leave any time in my schedule to just do stuff by myself. Especially living in New York, I can get overwhelmed. Sometimes it’s Sunday night and I’m looking at my week and I have dinner plans three nights that week and three lunches, and I don’t want to eat every single meal talking to someone else. It’s really stupid, but I actually feel like that is something, especially living in the city and having the kind of job where so much of your life is about socializing, interviewing people, talking to other people, collaborating, if I don’t find time to actually be alone, I go crazy. Luckily my parents live an hour and a half outside of New York and sometimes I’ll go for a few days to just remove myself from distractions."
“Sometimes the most annoying thing about travelling is that you forget how lucky you are that you live in a place that health food is so available to you. You have to make a bit more of an effort [to stay healthy while travelling], but it’s always worth it. Honestly, I sound like an idiot, but whenever I go to Europe I’m like, ‘I fucking hate it here because, honestly, what is going on here? All you guys eat is bread and cheese and you don’t have ice coffee, and I just want to go home’ [Laughs].”
"I kind of prefer waking up and having coffee and not eating for a few hours, then eat an omelet, usually with mushrooms, cheese and prosciutto. I drink green tea all day, so I feel like that’s some water. I also drink sparkling water as much as possible. But I feel like tea is water. Green tea keeps me alive.
I really, really rarely cook. I eat the same food all the time. Basically every day for lunch I’ll eat the same Greek salad from the diner next to my house. I always have beef jerky in my house, which sounds weird and I eat a lot of avocado with hot sauce. I like dark chocolate. My favorite thing on earth is frozen yogurt. I’m trying to cut out sugar a lot, so it’s actually not good to eat a lot of frozen yogurt but it’s so good!
My guilty pleasure is alcohol. I’m definitely passionate about vodka martinis. When I drink, I drink light liquors, so like vodka or tequila, or white wine. I aim to drink low sugar drinks, but I don’t think that works when you drink like 10 drinks.
I did the Master Cleanse once, but that stuff is really stupid—it makes you insane. I found out what really works best for me is to just eat a really low carbohydrate diet. It makes me feel the most energetic, the most happy, the least bloated and just feel good about myself. I like to be able to eat a lot, you know. I rather eat a huge portion of salad with avocado, cheese and steak, than eat a little bit of processed food."
"I workout a lot from my apartment, so I do a lot of Youtube Pilates videos and Ballet Beautiful videos. There is also this Youtube series called XHIT, which has a lot of really specific body part workouts. They are only 15-20 minutes, so you can focus 15-20 minutes on your butt or thighs. You can really do it from anywhere if you’re travelling.
I tried yoga twice and then realized that it just gave me anxiety, which I know is the opposite of what it’s supposed to make you feel. I know that people say that yoga really calms you down, that it’s medication, but I realize for me, I really need something high-impact to feel calmer. I tried Class Pass… I stopped that after a month—I just hate group activities that don’t involved drinking."
Advice for anyone looking to be healthier
"I genuinely believe it’s bizarre when I see people eat fatty, processed foods. It’s almost like I forget that people do that—eat industrial-size bags of potato chips. That, to me, can’t be good. I feel there is no way to be healthy without diet, exercise and mindfulness. It’s really about being aware of your own body."