Joffrey Lupul

Hockey Player, Toronto Maple Leafs, Toronto.

Disclaimer: save for our one on-staff token tomboy (we're not naming any names), we just don’t "do” sports over here at TC HQ. We mean, sneakers are purely for accessorizing, right? But when we heard that Toronto Maple Leaf Joffrey Lupul had a loft—and closet—we just couldn't miss, our indifferent “ehs” quickly turned to enthused “ooooohs”. Granted, we were fresh off a major case of Sochi fever, but how could we say no? One look at those baby blues, that penetrating stare and—goal (see what we did there?)—we had our second-ever hockey-inclined Coveteur.

Lupul’s warehouse-like space was something straight outta’ Esquire and (bonus points!) once housed the Biel-Timberlakes—hallowed ground, people! After a 30-second-or-so moment of silence in the name of all things JT, we zoomed in on the oh-so-benevolent Lupul signing camo-print Leafs jerseys for his 'Lupes Troops'. Yes, we too first thought this was potentially a band of gyrating girl groupies, but we swear it's way better; this softie gives two tickets for each home game to the Canadian military. It had us crying a river.

Real talk: Lupul’s loft is incredible. Like, 15-foot high ceilings-incredible (which, if when we’re talking 6’1”/206 lbs of man, is totally legitimate). Of course, no man-cave would be complete without the requisite dude-y accessories—think: a basketball hoop, a guitar, rock memorabilia and hockey gear (duh!). We gave this all a pass seeing as alongside said sports regalia was a framed Hermès scarf and a brightly-hued piece of soda can pop-art (it’s totally a thing). What can we say? The man kind of knows how to accessorize.

Forget the décor for a second, though—we all know the only true way to suss out a man’s taste level is through his choice of footwear, right? Boxes of Nike sneakers, sharp dress shoes, and rugged work boots were strewn amongst racks of suits (for work) and Rag & Bone casual wear (for play). Given his obvious sartorial flair and his, ahem, penchant for style advice, we were dying to hear what his post-retirement plans were: “I have no idea. For all I know I could be travelling around taking pictures of peoples’ homes and messing up all their stuff. Sound familiar?” Well Joffrey, we are hiring interns.