Unlike bagel shops and lost tourists, Chinese restaurants are hard to come by on New York’s Upper West Side. So, it feels improbable that Mary Beth Barone and I stumble upon one at 69th Street and Columbus Avenue, and even more so that it is named "Empire Szechuan Kyoto," a trio of words that feels generated by ChatGPT version 1.0.
We stop in mostly because Barone needs to pee and it’s the only place nearby with a public restroom, but our plans quickly change after we sit down and flip through the menu. “Oh, we’re feasting,” she declares. She orders chicken fried rice; I get pork dumplings and a passion-fruit boba tea.
As we wait for our impromptu meal to arrive, I congratulate Barone on the release of her new Netflix special, Galaxy Brain. “It’s such a big milestone for a comedian,” she reflects. “I produced my own YouTube special a couple of years ago, but this one felt like my skill level had elevated.” The crisp 55-minute set is filled with Barone’s signature razorsharp delivery and hot takes on subjects both hyperspecific and highly relatable: best-friend breakups, leaving unsolicited comments on your ex’s Instagram, the emotional hazards of dating both straight men and lesbians in fedoras. It also ventures into what she calls "darker" territory. (There's a joke about pedophiles that feels edgy for Netflix, though Barone swears "they didn't make me cut a single thing.")
At one point in the special, she asks an audience member if they would turn back time and sleep with Mark Zuckerberg to prevent him from inventing Facebook. “No?” She sighs. “Typical white liberal.”
White liberals do make up a sizable portion of Barone’s audience, but so does a particular subset of downtown, culturally fluent Gen Z and millennial girls and gays. Some found her through Prime Video's hit college comedy Overcompensating, in which she plays Grace, the unimpressed older sister to her IRL best friend Benito Skinner’s Benny. Others caught her on this year’s Golden Globes red carpet, wearing a slinky black Todd Oldham dress and asking Teyana Taylor questions like, “Is there anyone here you want to apologize to?” Then there are the disciples of Ride, her podcast with Skinner, on its fourth season, where recent discussions have ranged from the helpless feeling of freshly painted nails to the disappearance of Curious George.
Given the size of her internet footprint, it's easy to mistake Barone's Hot Girl Comedian™ persona for the whole story. She leans into the bit ("I had sex with so many executives over there," she jokes about getting her Netflix special), but she's also just as open about her dad dying last year and the trap of falling too hard for the wrong people. "I have an insecure attachment style," she tells me matter-of-factly, taking a bite of fried rice. "I like spending time with people when I feel that connection to them, but I sometimes need to protect myself from that."
Two hours and a few empty plates later, the waiter drops two shiny, plastic-wrapped fortune cookies onto the table. I crack mine open and read a slightly ominous message about new things coming my way in September. Hers is more philosophical: "The one who's afraid of asking is ashamed of learning."I almost make a joke, but Barone stares at it for a beat. Then, she folds it up and slips it into her purse.
Congratulations on Galaxy Brain. The opening scene in your dressing room with the word “WHORE” written in lipstick on the mirror made me laugh out loud.
Mary Beth Barone: Thank you. The cold open was Ky [Newman]’s idea, who directed it. If you've seen Black Swan, that will mean a lot to you. And if you haven't seen Black Swan, you're like, okay, this is the vibe.
Where was the starting point for Galaxy Brain?
MBB: I like my stand-up to be reflective of where I'm at currently in my life, so I had to change things based on where I was and my relationship status. My dad died between when I was touring last year and when I was touring this year. Things change so fast.
Who was your target audience?
MBB: I wanted the special to make girls and queer people laugh. That's why I do this. I want to make them feel seen and feel like there's entertainment for them specifically. If other people enjoy it, I think that's amazing. But if you don't like it and you're not in that group, it's none of my business.
You did an interview where you said you like to “disorient audiences” with what you wear onstage. How did you choose the purple dress you wore for the special?
MBB: We were so lucky that Jackson Wiederhoeft agreed to design the dress and the shoes. The reference for the dress is the dress when the Little Mermaid climbs out of the water at the end. That's such a fashion moment that's been burned into my brain. I've seen that movie hundreds of times. There was a little bit of Megara from Hercules too. I knew I wanted the color to be lilac. Jackson and his team couldn't find the color anywhere, so they hand-dyed it. There’s also a sketch of a Gemini constellation that they beaded into the tulle. I'm a Gemini, so everything had meaning to it.
Do you identify with being a Gemini?
MBB: Yes. I'm also a double Sagittarius. I had my chart read last year during a very difficult time. I found out I was born on a full moon, which made perfect sense to me.
What does that mean?
MBB: I don't know—maybe that I'm a little bit effed in the head.
What’s the most and least Gemini thing about you?
MBB: I am such a contradiction. That feels very Gemini. I hate being perceived, but I'm insisting on doing a job where the more people who know about me, the more successful I am. I do comedy, which is talking into a microphone for a job, but I also love being quiet, especially if I'm in a group with other people. I love going out to dance, but sleeping is my greatest strength. It's a lot of that, two sides of the same coin. The least Gemini thing, I guess, is being nice. Are Geminis that nice? I don't know. All the other signs fucking hate our guts.
Is there a star sign you'd never date?
MBB: No, I'm open to them all.
No one's traumatized you?
MBB: I've been traumatized by all of them. I got asked in an interview yesterday, “What's a dealbreaker for you in dating?" I thought to myself in this moment of deep reflection: I don't have any, and that's the problem. I need to get some. I need a few dealbreakers.
Like, maybe talking to other people while they're talking to you, or taking days to text back.
MBB: That wouldn't stop me, honey. Trust me, I just double down. In that case, I go, "You want me to go harder?" I dated three guys in a row who actually hate me, so we'll see where I go next. I'm on a break right now.
Self-imposed?
MBB: It's funny because it's not like people are trying, but yes, it's self-imposed. I took a break from November of last year until I taped my special because I wanted to focus. I have a hard time regulating my own emotions when I'm in a romantic entanglement with someone. I find that I'm susceptible to their changes in communication. It's good for me creatively because it always inspires me, but for right now, I need to start making better choices. It sounds insane, but I'm 35. Last year, I made some mistakes that felt very 25 to me.
But that's also because dating sucks in New York.
MBB: I know, but I think I need to opt out unless someone's banging my door down. I want to be pursued. As Olivia Rodrigo said, I don't want a boy that's passive.
What are you looking for?
MBB: All it will take is someone trying, probably. A little bit of effort. I got a Hinge profile and made all the prompts about the special as marketing. I have 200-something matches in there right now. I'm verified on there, and I'm trying to get the word out. I want to meet people where they are, and where they are is Hinge.
Not Raya?
MBB: Raya is for unserious people.
What about a DM slide?
MBB: If I was a guy, I'd be DMing constantly. It's funny to think about: if I were a male comedian and my Netflix special was about to come out, I think I would be able to go on a date with anyone in the world I wanted. I would call Kate Middleton and she would meet me wherever.
You’re throwing your watch party at the gay club 3 Dollar Bill in Williamsburg. In your opinion, what’s the best gay bar in NYC?
MBB: I would be remiss if I did not mention that Cubbyhole is where I met the lesbian in the fedora that I reference in the special. I was wingmanning my best friend who I went with, and she ended up meeting her wife that night. Cubbyhole is historic. Also, I don't want to hear disco when I'm out trying to dance. There's a time and a place for disco. I'm not shitting on the genre. It's just, when I go out to dance, I want to be sweating. I want bodies bumping together.
You said in your special that male comedians are “depressed and narcissistic.” How would you describe female comedians?
MBB: Anxious and narcissistic.
Who were some female comedians you grew up looking up to?
MBB: When I first started, Amy Schumer's show was completely blowing up. She did her HBO special at the Apollo. Broad City was huge. I was going to the Comedy Cellar a lot too with my boyfriend at the time. I remember seeing Matteo Lane and Liza Treyger and all these people I thought were so funny. Because of Broad City, I signed up for UCB. Really, because of Amy Schumer, I started doing stand-up. I was 25 at the time. It was a little late comparatively.
25 year olds these days are achieving so much.
MBB: We grew up in a different time. I know we're one generation away, but we're different from Gen Z.
What do you think of Gen Z?
MBB: Honestly, good for them. Their fight against capitalism. Having work-life balance is not something I can personally do, but all the power to you. Go home, turn your phone off, shut your computer. I love what Gen Z has done for baggy clothes. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the fact that I'm wearing basketball shorts out every day, and that is because of Gen Z. Us growing up, it was like you had to have body-con on even while you were sleeping. It was so uncomfortable. I'm excited to see what they come up with next.
What do you like to do right now for self-care?
MBB: Working from when I open my eyes to when I go to bed.
What's your typical morning routine?
MBB: I try to wake up between 7:30 and 8:00 every day. I take my dog, Pinky, on a walk to a coffee shop I go to in Williamsburg. I pass about 20 other coffee shops on the way, but my barista moved coffee shops, so I wanted to follow her because I have loyalty.
Do you love her as a person or do you love her coffee?
MBB: She's great. I like having good energy in the morning. Also, I have a contentious relationship with baristas, so when I find one I like, I have to stick with her.
What do you mean, contentious?
MBB: They don't fuck with me. They see me and they're like, "Uh-uh." Unless they listen to the podcast. They think I'm going to be a pain in the ass or something.
What's your coffee order?
MBB: Oat-milk latte.
That's the easiest thing ever.
MBB: The way I move through the world…This is why I want to be in a relationship. I need a witness. Benny [Skinner] and I have been friends for eight years, and all these theories I had about my interactions with people and my relationship with the service industry—for example, being blonde completely transformed that for me. When I went back to brunette, more of the same. Having a dog helps too. It's disarming. But people don't think I'm going to be fun or nice.
People were nicer to you when you were blonde?
MBB: For sure. There are a lot of bitchy brunettes out there who probably are a huge pain in the ass at the coffee shop. It's not me. I'm always hitting the highest number for a tip just to overcompensate.
When do you stop working?
MBB: At night, if I'm doing shows, you can be out until 11 or 12. Usually I'm back by 10-ish.
What's the best and worst part about dating in New York?
MBB: The best part is feeling like anything is possible. The worst part is when nothing happens, you're like, but anything is possible.
Would you approach someone in real life?
MBB: I spit game. I'm fully going up to people and trying to flirt with them and get the conversation going. I'm a romantic, so I'm like, you have to shoot your shot. What's the worst thing that could happen?
What's the most overrated neighborhood in New York?
MBB: I like them all.
Underrated?
MBB: I'm still partial to the East Village. I'm not saying everyone there is someone I would choose to go to a desert island with if we needed to survive, but they're having fun there. We could all take a page out of that book.
What would the name of your memoir be if you had to write it right now?
MBB: How I Became Pinky's Mom.
What would Pinky's memoir be about?
MBB: She came from the streets of Tijuana and now she lives in Brooklyn. She's a city girl and a really good traveler. I think it would be something reflecting on her travels and how that's made her a more empathetic dog.
What's one hill you'll die on?
MBB: I don't think pop stars should be expected to be able to perform live. Just because you're a good singer with an aesthetic doesn’t mean you should be expected to be an incredible performer. I say lip-sync. Use the backing track. And please, for the love of God, don't dance if you can't.
What are you maxxing this summer?
MBB:: I am closet-maxxing, as in wearing the clothes I love and purchased for a reason.
Where are you shopping?
MBB: I shop a lot at The RealReal. I bought a big white Speedy bag; I got that as my Christmas present to myself. I love clothes that have had a life before and can be revived. I go to a lot of vintage stores. I went to a vintage store in Milan and got this cute Prada dress that I wore yesterday for a photo shoot. Then I went to one in L.A. called Leaving Soon. I got a Prada button-down and some baggy Prada chino shorts. I think clothes used to be made better.
Who's your niche celebrity crush?
MBB: Ricky Ricardo, probably.
What's the best text you’ve ever gotten?
MBB: I have screenshots of texts that meant so much to me when I got them, and now that person is dead to me. We're constantly changing.
What's something you want to manifest in your life?
MBB: More spontaneity. I'm scheduled to the brim, and I think it's nice to have a last-minute dinner or coffee, or you run into someone, which is so much easier in New York. I love that. I love running into people.
Bring running into people back.
MBB: And actually stopping, taking the AirPod out, and having a little chitchat.
What's something you find sexy?
MBB: Showing up.
What’s your love language?
MBB: Quality time. My strongest relationships and friendships are the ones where I get to spend quality time.
What's your biggest turnoff?
MBB: Seeing both sides. I'm like, shut the fuck up. Don't you dare see both sides.
Credits:
Photographs: Jamie Pearl
Stylist: Kat Typaldos
Makeup artist: Olivia Barad
Hairstylist: Timothy Aylward