The Best of Black Friday

The Best of Black Friday

What, you didn’t think we’d make you go it alone, did you?

Unless getting trampled by throngs of basement-dwelling Xbox-seekers and dodging middle-aged moms balancing seven bags of things that smell like peppermint on each arm is your thing (we don’t judge), Black Fridays of yesteryear may not call to mind such a pretty picture. Pre-digital shopping carts and ten-second AmEx checkouts, Black Friday was the black eye of the holiday calendar—think sub-zero lineups just to get through the door, only to be greeted by leftover piles of $4 XXL t-shirts in a shade called “trout pink.”

But the thrill of the hunt? The rush of adrenaline as you push (er, gently nudge) through the masses to grab the last half-price, size-two Katrantzou? Now there are some things we’ve always been able to relate to. There’s nothing like a good price strikethrough to get the blood pumping, the heart pounding and the eleventh-grade math going all Good Will Hunting.
(Side note: We recommend brushing up on your Fashion Math before the big day. Because on Black Friday, one plus one is Choo, E = McQ, and you’re probably going to need some Schoulin’. Of Kors.)
In all seriousness, now that God’s gift to women (read: online shopping) has descended on the nightmare before Christmas (read: Black Friday) and we can ring up designer goods from the comfort of our beds, you’d better believe we’d support it becoming a statutory holiday. But scoring a dream deal can be even more daunting when you can’t see your competition vying for the last Wang on Net-A-Porter come Cyber Monday. May the odds be ever in your favor.
Which is why we’ve decided to do some of the dirty work for you (you’re welcome) to maximize your chances of scoring that Mary Katrantzou bag or those Prada loafers, while minimizing your chances of getting busted frantically clicking through ShopBop at work. For now, we’ll just have to disguise our manic scrolling with various Important-Looking Documents, keep all Shake It Off-esque happy dances to a mere body-quiver, and hope for the best.

‘Cause TGIBF, are we right?

On your marks...

—Chelsey Burnside
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