Maybe I’ve been ringing up all my produce as “green onions” in the self-checkout this year, but I hardly think that’s enough to put me on the naughty list. I’ve drafted my wishlist (emphasis on the wish part) with high expectations for the holidays. I put this together not only to petition St. Nick to bring me all the things I’m too cheap to buy for myself, but to serve as a The Secret-style vision board to manifest a lifestyle just slightly out of reach.
When brainstorming gifts for others (and wishlists for myself), I find it much more fun to snoop into what others wrote in their letters to Santa than just skimming online stores. As opposed to online gift guides, I prefer a more voyeuristic approach to gifting brainstorms. Since this season is just as much about giving as receiving, I am publishing my wishlist below. If you are a good samaritan (aka Sugar Daddy or someone interested in being financially dom’d), I’m not opposed to donations.
Joan Boot
I’ve spent years searching for the perfect black boot, and I think I’ve found the platonic ideal with the Labucq Joan Boot. Since it’s a higher price tag item, I’ve been asking friends to chip in with gift cards so when I take the “Finish & Pay” plunge, it won’t sting as much.
Short Leather Chain Bag
Years ago, I was gifted one of the Nan Goldin Medea bags, and I’ve treasured it ever since. I love the burgundy colorway, but I’ll admit it’s sometimes hard to pair it with more colorful ensembles. I’ve been eyeing the plain black short bag with the leather chain detail. The Italian leather and minimal design go with anything, and I love the girly feeling of swinging around a tiny top-handle purse.
Vintage Movie Poster 1995
I think film posters as decor are for douchey college students, but I can make an exception for Showgirls. I adore that trainwreck of a film, and this vintage 1995 poster is certainly something I wouldn’t mind seeing in my apartment every day. There is also a more SFW version of the same 1995 promotional poster from Japan.
Noise-Cancelling Headphones
As a writer, I get easily derailed by ambient noise when I’m working and would love to be able to camp out in a café instead of staying holed up in my apartment. I also feel like over-the-ear headphones are the best self-defense against small talkers in public or on airplanes.
Helmut Newton. SUMO. 20th Anniversary Edition
Coffee table books are so hard to justify buying for yourself. But they make phenomenal gifts. When I worked at Playboy, a coworker had this gigantic Helmut Newton book in her office, and I often got distracted thumbing through the glossy prints.
Escentric Discovery Set
Finding the perfect scent is such a deeply personal undertaking that I think it’s best to give a friend a gift card to a perfumery where they can explore and experiment. I’ve been a longtime fan of the Ministry of Scent in San Francisco, and after receiving a gift card last year, I found my favorite everyday perfume. Escentric Molecules (while it has the dorkiest name and bottle) pairs with your natural scent and smells different on everyone’s skin. I love the subdued, natural musk with tones of cedarwood. It’s unisex yet pheromone-y, and I’ve gotten a lot of compliments from dates.
My Name Is Barbra
Since I was a kid, I’ve had an unhealthy obsession with Barbra Streisand and it doesn't seem like I'm going to outgrow it anytime soon. With this book ten years in the making, I’m excited for my EGOT diva to give her #barbs some long-awaited gossip behind the production of her most iconic movies from Funny Girl to Yentl and beyond.
Studio Session
Screw the AI yearbook photo craze, if you want a glossy film portrait with a hint of retro-kitsch, Tom Tuong is your guy. Popularized by Kacey Musgraves, this LA-based portrait studio has skyrocketed in popularity in the last few years, but has still managed to maintain that iykyk status amongst Angelenos. Since professional life often requires a headshot, this seems like the funnest and least cringy option.
Feu de Bois
I can never fully justify spending this much money on candles for myself, so it’s one of my go-to requests around the holidays. It’s such a warm, woody fragrance. I know it's technically a “winter” smell, but I love it year-round.
Auracle Eye Serum
I already have the Dieux reusable eye masks, and I’m super excited to sample their new eye serum. This year’s seasonal depression is really calling for some self-care, and I’m excited to make this a daily ritual.
Rose Delights THC Edibles
For those who are 21+ and live in a state where THC products are legal, these are gorgeously giftable edibles. I personally hate how tacky most cannabis products look, and Rose Delights are elevated in both flavor profile and packaging. Also, their “Turkish delight” style of candy always makes me feel like Edmund in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe when he sold out his whole family to the White Witch for a taste of that sweet treat.
Roma Tomato Collection
The Roma tomato candle from Flamingo Estate is one of my top three favorite scents to date, and I would be happy with any and all products included in their Tomato Collection.
Mini Brands NA Series
Since inner child consumerism is on the rise (let’s be honest, we’re all still damaged from the pandemic), I can’t get enough of these mini-brand surprise balls. Sure, my friends and I are almost 30, but when we get a hold of one of these, we are all shrieking with excitement, opening each little package as we reveal the toys inside.
Müller? Müller? Müller? Orange Wine
Call me a cliché, but I’m an LA bitch that’s all in on the natural wine craze. This is a bottle that I’ve purchased many times, and for such a fair price, the flavors are bright and juicy without leaning too sweet or, god forbid, “funky.”
Dark Chocolate with Marzipan
At the end of the day, I’m a simple girl and will likely get just as excited to see this chocolate bar in my stocking as something that costs $100+.
Other things I want for Christmas (that I couldn’t find online):
- The snake venom nail polish from Holes.
- Gillian Anderson’s phone number.
- A private tour of Barbra Streisand's underground mall.
- All the lotion I’ve lost to TSA.
- The microwave from Spy Kids.
- An antique locket with a haunting secret inside.
- True love’s first kiss.