The Art of the Baller Bath
Four words: Tom. Ford. Bubble. Bath.
November 28, 2014
November 10, 2021
At first, the pastel-hued fun furs from Shrimps might help to ease the pain. And the return of leather trousers as a viable wardrobe option doesn't exactly hurt, either. But not all the ankle booties in the world can eradicate the fact that if you live on the East Coast—once Daylight Savings has gone into effect, all bets are virtually off. Sure, the promise of sunshine come Art Basel is there, but there's no denying that fall and winter can seriously wear on the soul and psyche. Let's put it this way: you're talking to the crew that goes hard for SAD lamps.
With that in mind, we'd like to introduce the one potentially life (okay, fine, morale-lifting) ritual that will see you through. Nevermind all of the benefits—yaddi-yadda, ancient ritual this, muscle elasticity that—baths are, in a word, the shit. When it's bitterly, down-to-the-bone cold, the fundamental building blocks of every good bath (suds, bath oils, salts and soaks) are what will get you through. Settle in with some Spotify or your parents HBO Go login, the right hydration (no, wine doesn't count) and be prepared to thank us for tipping you off.
First things first: you're going to have to lather up. We like Origins' Gloomaway Grapefruit Bubble Bath (think of it as an SSRI in fragrance form) for the most gorgeous, citrus-y scent ever and a frothy layer of foam. Tom Ford's Neroli Portofino Shower Gel, inspired by the Italian Riviera, is just that: transportive. As in, you're no longer in a dingy bathtub you have to share with your roommate and her live-in boyfriend, but instead lounging under the hot sun somewhere in Genoa. And isn't that what we could all use a little more of? Finally, there's Cowshed's Lazy Cow Soothing Bath & Shower Gel formulated with chamomile and sandalwood, for those soaks where your phone is firmly locked on Airplane Mode for the duration of your time in tub.
You know that thing where you finally drop serious coin on a beauty product, only to be so intimidated by it's impossibly cool, super intricate packaging that you barely use it at all? Try not to recreate that with Panhaligon's Lavendula Bath Oil; although even we admittedly struggle with it from time to time with this one. Add a few (generous) drops to your bath before hopping in and revel in the rich, calming lavender scent and the silky smooth skin you're rewarded with afterwards. Should that not quite meet your baller bath requirement, give Diptyque's Precious Oils for Body & Bath a spin (or more accurately, a pour): aside from the aforementioned affects, Diptyque's also claims to "neutralize the effects of hard water, and act as a protective emollient." It also take your tub from a 2 to a 10.
The Salts and Soaks
Yes, nothing beats the OG four-pounder box of Epsom salts. You think ordering a salad and Instagramming at the same time is multi-tasking? Epsom, a naturally occurring compound of magnesium and sulfate, relaxes your muscles, relieves cramps, helps to produce serotonin and even improves irritability. But should you be in the market for a little something extra to toss in your weekly soak, let us suggest Sai Sei's Mineral Seaweed Bath Crystals, infused with actual seaweed, as well as calcium, potassium and magnesium. On a similar 'under the sea' tip is Molton Brown's Seamoss Stress Relieving Hydrosoak, with horse chestnut to hydrate, marine extracts to energize and Dead Sea salts to relax. Where do we sign up?
Once you've got what goes inside the tub figured out, may we make a few other suggestions? For the love of all that is good, don't eat in there, no matter what Katy Perry says. We like tea (hot bath and hot drink? Ugh, just go with it), wine, and always, always water. You can even throw lemon, lime and orange slices in there if you really want to get fancy. We also like to crank up the dial and make the water near-scalding hot—nothing actually painful, but just enough to help us believe we're sweating out the bad stuff. Before stepping in, buff your skin down with a dry brush, making circular motions towards your heart and starting at your feet—you know, to get the ol' lymph nodes going. Have your at-the-moment binge show of choice queued up, light your favorite candle, step in and voila!