Sometimes we hate the Internet. Just a little. Yes, without it we wouldn't have GIFs of cats/BadGalRiri/RuPaul's Drag Race, or a place to scroll for hours on end while stuck in a litany of soul-suckingly boring situations (doctor's office, in line at the bank, while waiting for a Tinder date that you're still on the fence about actually meeting). But it's also what we point to for the demise of some of our most treasured monthlies growing up—namely, Teen People, Teen and YM. (Fun fact: Rachel Zoe's first-ever job was as a fashion assistant at the latter. The more you know, right?)
While Sassy nostalgia is all around—no, literally: click enough and we're willing to bet you'll virtually bump into a think piece or two—and we bow down to Jane Pratt like no other, we are kind of miffed that the Sisqo-laden covers of the early '00s don't quite getting the same digital adulation that their '90s peers see. So following one afternoon spent poring over a handful of old issues (remember this the next time you find yourself subletting a place and wondering whether it's really worth lugging five years worth of W Magazine back issues everywhere you go), we decided it was time to pay a little tribute to the magazines that practically raised us. Read on for lots of frosted, shimmery eyeshadow, awesomely Y2K-tinged advertising and plenty of questionable advice.
Guys. Those glasses! James Van Der Beek! Pre-Goop Gwyneth's side eye! Also, don't let the pun-filled captions slip by you. "It's nothing but sleek for Sarah Michelle Gellar. Slay everyone with wraparounds..." "Justin Timberlake knows lilac lenses are hot. Get n'sync with this purple pair.""Guys. Those glasses! James Van Der Beek! Pre-Goop Gwyneth's sideeye!"
Guys. Those glasses! James Van Der Beek! Pre-Goop Gwyneth's side eye! Also, don't let the pun-filled captions slip by you. "It's nothing but sleek for Sarah Michelle Gellar. Slay everyone with wraparounds..." "Justin Timberlake knows lilac lenses are hot. Get n'sync with this purple pair."
We mean, what's not to love? We were suckers for virtually anything Bonnebell slapped a label on, and there's nothing we loved more than interchangeable shadows in inexplicable shades—lime green? Lavender? Frosted silver? We might also need a moment of silence for Crazy/Beautiful-era Kirsten Dunst."We might also need a moment of silence for Crazy/Beautiful-era Kirsten Dunst."
We mean, what's not to love? We were suckers for virtually anything Bonnebell slapped a label on, and there's nothing we loved more than interchangeable shadows in inexplicable shades—lime green? Lavender? Frosted silver? We might also need a moment of silence for Crazy/Beautiful-era Kirsten Dunst.
We don't know about you, but Britney Spears' (yes, that is indeed her) Herbal Essences campaigns are more or less seared into our memories for eternity. Especially this one. Yes, we do want to do dinner and a concert with you, mom-hair Britney.
A braces-centric beauty editorial. So Gwen Stefani, no?We don't know about you, but Britney Spears' (yes, that is indeed her) Herbal Essences campaigns are more or less seared into our memories for eternity. Especially this one. Yes, we do want to do dinner and a concert with you, mom-hair Britney.
"A braces-centric beauty editorial. So Gwen Stefani, no?"
An entire page dedicated to silver make-up. Including a Caboodles (!!!) scented shimmer duster, hairspray, shadow and, yes, lipstick. Say no more.
"Caboodles (!!!)"
An entire page dedicated to silver make-up. Including a Caboodles (!!!) scented shimmer duster, hairspray, shadow and, yes, lipstick. Say no more.
Here we learn to "skip the showered-with-Crisco" look in lieu of tapping M.A.C. lipgloss on our cheekbones, to stop cracking our knuckles, and exact what's inside J.Lo's make-up bag. All still valid, valuable information. And yes, that's a Nars' Orgasm Blush shout-out from Jenny, making the shade some 12-years-strong in our books. Here we learn to "skip the showered-with-Crisco" look in lieu of tapping M.A.C. lipgloss on our cheekbones, to stop cracking our knuckles, and exact what's inside J.Lo's make-up bag. All still valid, valuable information. And yes, that's a Nars' Orgasm Blush shout-out from Jenny, making the shade some 12-years-strong in our books.
What's he really thinking? According to YM, if your date sips a drink at the same time as you, it's true love, boys hate when you pat them on the back, and a guy makes eye contact with your mouth and nose if he respects you. Good to know and have in the back of our minds to obsessively overthink the next time we fall asleep, given that we take all of our advice from fourteen-year-old teen magazines."What's he really thinking?"
What's he really thinking? According to YM, if your date sips a drink at the same time as you, it's true love, boys hate when you pat them on the back, and a guy makes eye contact with your mouth and nose if he respects you. Good to know and have in the back of our minds to obsessively overthink the next time we fall asleep, given that we take all of our advice from fourteen-year-old teen magazines.
Three little words (kind of): Freddie. Prinze. Jr. Also, hair putty, and the entire concept of wanting a ponytail that flows into a spiky waterfall.
"Three little words (kind of): Freddie. Prinze. Jr."
Three little words (kind of): Freddie. Prinze. Jr. Also, hair putty, and the entire concept of wanting a ponytail that flows into a spiky waterfall.
"Alison desperately wants to be one of the 'pretty people' at school, but does she have to lose her best friend to get there?" We're about to find out, we guess. "Alison desperately wants to be one of the 'pretty people' at school, but does she have to lose her best friend to get there?" We're about to find out, we guess.
Everything about this Neutrogena ad makes us happy."Everything about this Neutrogena ad makes us happy."
"You know how to add a smiley face to your e-mails, but do you know the symbol for 'I feel tongue-tied'? If your answer is no, check out 'Wan2tlk? Ltl Bk of Txt Msgs'. It lists hundreds of shortened text messages for chatting with anyone via e-mail, IM, cell phone or pager. Here are our favorites: :-& 'I feel tongue-tied', |-0 'I am squinting while talking', B-| 'I am wearing cheap sunglasses', :-.) 'Madonna or Marilyn Monroe (the beauty mark above the lip gives it away).' Good to know the next time we need to use our pager to communicate something about Madonna squinting while talking. "You know how to add a smiley face to your e-mails, but do you know the symbol for 'I feel tongue-tied'? If your answer is no, check out 'Wan2tlk? Ltl Bk of Txt Msgs'. It lists hundreds of shortened text messages for chatting with anyone via e-mail, IM, cell phone or pager. Here are our favorites: :-& 'I feel tongue-tied', |-0 'I am squinting while talking', B-| 'I am wearing cheap sunglasses', :-.) 'Madonna or Marilyn Monroe (the beauty mark above the lip gives it away).' Good to know the next time we need to use our pager to communicate something about Madonna squinting while talking.