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New Year New You

How to Get Your Shit Together in 60 Seconds

Wherein we get real motherly, only with more expletives.

By: Chelsey Burnside

You’ve lost it, haven’t you. It was there one day, and the next morning it just left. You’re staring into a computer screen, splitting headache from last night’s two (or was it three?) aperol spritzes, realizing you’ve spent the last hour Googling “Boutique hotels Uruguay” and can’t remember whether it’s Monday or Thursday.

Your shit. It’s gone.

Here’s how to spend the next 60 seconds getting it back. In the contorted words of Dr. Phil, this is gonna be a changing minute in your life.

 


 

1.

Clean your shit up

 

Let’s face it: We’re all hoarders in denial. Have you read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up? It sounds like a title The Onion invented to troll us, but after every blogger borderline-biblically sung its praises, we had to check it out—trust us, it completely reverses your mindset about what you need and don’t need in your home (ahem, closet). Take your 60 seconds and use it to throw out every single expired tube of mascara in your makeup drawer. Can you close it? Do you feel a little bit better now?

 


 

2. 

Change your shitty scenery

 

Alright, so we can’t all up and go to Palm Springs at the drop of a Eugenia Kim beanie. But there are little ways to change up your surroundings that require much less vacation time (and $$$). It’s 2015, and there’s no coiled phone cord chaining you to your desk. Tell your boss you’re going to catch up on some emails at the coffee shop next door (trust us, she’ll be cool with it). Ask Siri to point you to the nearest green space. Switch up your route home and check out that new boutique off your beaten commute. Get off a subway stop early. If you need a little inspiration for changing things up, watch this this TED Talk (it’s not 60 seconds, but it’s an instant incentivizer).

 


 

3.

Put down your f@$%ing phone

 

This is 60 seconds we’re talking about. You can do it. Put it on that table over there. No, no that one—the one across the room. That’s it. Take in your surroundings. Feel your pupils start to refocus, just like when you tap the screen when taking a photo. NO. STOP IT. STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR PHONE.

 


 

4.

Turn off your shitty music

 

And put on a podcast or an audiobook. Seriously, make this one little change for a week’s worth of commutes, especially if you work in a creative field—it’s infinitely more inspiring than listening to What Do You Mean on loop for half an hour. Some starter suggestions: Sarah Jessica Parker on Here’s the Thing with Alec Baldwin. This American Life – 129 Cars. The super-spooky pilot of Limetown. If you can’t sleep afterwards, try Sleep With Me.
 
Which leads us to…

 


 

5.

Comme des f#$% down

 

Having a bout of anxiety? What, is someone incessantly swearing at you from behind a keyboard or something? Step one: Immediately remove yourself from whatever situation is making you sweat. That might mean excusing yourself from a stressful conversation (“Sweetie, I only say it because I want grandma to be alive for your wedding”) or closing this tab. Step Two: Try alternate nostril breathing. It’s super easy, and forces you to concentrate on your breathing rather than whatever is triggering you. Step Three: Force yourself to repeat whatever mantra best applies to your current state. “Just one thing” is a good one—breaking out your next steps into tiny, singular pieces. Another one we like is Kimmy Schmidt’s 10-Second Rule.

 


 

6.

Call your mom

 

Just do it. She misses you.

 

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